


Finding Him

by angeloscastiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-18
Updated: 2013-05-18
Packaged: 2017-12-12 05:25:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/807777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angeloscastiel/pseuds/angeloscastiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel struggles to come to terms with his fall, but Sam and Dean make sure he doesn't have to do it alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding Him

Castiel has seen the sky rain fire before.

The last time, he stood on the dry, dusty streets of Herculaneum, his wings crackling with heat and his heart aching for humanity. This time there are no wings to catch the deceptively cold wind coursing across him, and his heart aches with humanity.

He watches the shooting stars all night, until he is numb to the all-too-human sensations of pain and cold and fatigue, and he whispers the name of each angel as they fall. His grief brings him to his knees, screaming out an apology in Enochian broken with anguish.

Dawn finds him there, slumped amid the dewy grass, head bowed as if in mourning. Evening finds him staring at the sky again, as if waiting for a miracle apotheosis of his brothers and sisters returning to heaven, but heavy clouds blot out the stars and rain falls like bitter regret all around him.

Midnight finds him succumbed to sleep, soaked trenchcoat pulled over his face in a half-hearted attempt to shield himself from the relentless downpour. Dean Winchester finds him lying in the mud and kneels there beside him, praying to a God he knows has left his post and angels he knows have fallen that Castiel is okay, and pulls him out of the mud and holds him tight, mumbling his name into his soaked trenchcoat.

Dawn finds them both still sitting there in the mud, chilled to the bone with aching limbs and tired eyes and the weight of words left unsaid pressing down on them, and Dean feels useless because Castiel’s grief isn’t something he can _fix_ like he fixes dislocated shoulders and shallow bullet wounds and the Impala, but he’ll be damned if he lets Cas suffer alone.

Midmorning finds them making their way back to the Impala and Cas sheds muddy water onto her upholstery, and Dean wants to say something just to break the tension, but while Cas is bowed and broken and tiny in his humanity, his pain could fill Heaven three times over and Dean knows no flippant comment will alleviate it.

Evening finds him in the same bed in the bunker as last time, only the silence between him and Dean is free of pain and anger, because Dean doesn’t have the words and Castiel knows it, but he’s there with a hand on his shoulder and a lingering gaze and Castiel realises what he always meant when he said _I need you._

Morning finds him in the bunker’s kitchen brewing coffee for Dean and Sam, and Sam looks up at him with weary eyes and he looks so broken and battered and bruised, but he murmurs  _thanks, Cas_ with such sincerity, and Castiel returns to his room with his coffee and his awe for humanity restored, and he knows his wings and his halo were worthless compared to the shining soul of a Winchester.

Afternoon finds him walking through the aisles of the supermarket with Dean, and he pays careful attention to what Dean puts in the basket, and when they reach the checkout Castiel quietly disappears and meets Dean outside ten minutes later with a pie, and Dean shakes his head and says _where do you even get money, man_ but he’s smiling, so Castiel smiles too.

Midnight finds him alone in the darkness of the planning room, and Sam makes out his shape as he’s padding to the kitchen for a glass of water, and he takes the seat across from Castiel and just sits with him, and after a long time he breaks the silence with _so are you staying_ and Castiel says _yes, if Dean wants me to_ and Sam just looks over at him with surprise etched into his weary features and says _that’s all he ever wanted, Cas_ and they wait out the night together in their own private hells, but somehow the presence of the other makes their burdens easier to bear, and Castiel realises the sacredness of friendship.

Morning finds him climbing into Dean’s bed, and Dean’s sleepy and confused and grumbling _Cas, what is it_ and Castiel just wraps his arms around Dean and says _Dean, I’m sorry_ and Dean says _don’t start that again_ and Castiel just says _no, Dean, I’m sorry for leaving you. I’m sorry for not realising how you need me. I’m sorry I never told you that I need you too. And this time I’ll stay for you._

And Dean just holds him and buries his face in Castiel’s shoulder and he’s shaking a bit, but the words that come out of his mouth are _it’s okay, Cas_ because Dean is as selfless as the day is long and Castiel remembers how brilliantly his soul shines, and he whispers _Dean_ and presses his lips to Dean’s, and for the first time since he fell he’s gained more than he’s lost.


End file.
